


The Problem with a Motivated Seller

by Ononymous



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 06:56:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14231760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ononymous/pseuds/Ononymous
Summary: Cheap, Fast, and Good. You can only have two of them.Today we see what happens when several monsters pick the first two. And one picks the last two.





	The Problem with a Motivated Seller

**Author's Note:**

> Original suggestion: Alphys losing the money she and Undyne were saving for a trip and trying to make it back with increasingly wacky and desperate ways

"' _...and when the water reaches the sea, the core warms it up and it evaprobates into the sky._ ' Oh dear, that is not right."

Toriel took out her red pen again and, with a moment's regret, bestowed a small X next to 'core', and carefully wrote down 'sun' to replace it. She allowed herself a sigh. From the perspective of a child who had spent their entire life Underground, it probably made sense that the core was responsible for a lot of things. The idea that something millions of miles away could affect something as large as the sea would be hard to wrap your head around. But it was important they did. And she most certainly would not be overlooking the butchering of 'evaporate', either.

Final corrections aside, she placed Monsterkid's homework on top of the almost complete pile. She'd enjoyed the lesson when giving it in class, personally. It was a topic she'd been about two hours ahead of the children on, given that when she was last around to witness the natural water cycle the science behind it wasn't really understood. Monsters had no need to understand it, their own ability to manipulate water rendering it a moot point, and human science was in its infancy, overshadowed by what turned out to be the golden age of human magic. Frankly, internalising that water flowed in a cycle all by itself with no need for magic was something of a wonder, one of the many things she had never appreciated until it was too late.

Taking out the penultimate piece of homework, Toriel read it as carefully as the others, though confident she wouldn't find the core credited for anything water chose to do of its own accord. Frisk wasn't a perfect student, but they routinely outscored the rest of the class whenever they studied geography like this. Being immersed in phenomenon that even adult monsters still marvelled at gave Frisk a familiarity that served them well. However, despite detecting no factual errors, Toriel was reasonably sure 'precipitation' did not have an 'S' in it, and commented on such in red ink.

Spelling aside, the facts were correct enough to warrant an A, only the third of a class of twenty four, and she delightedly marked it at the top of the work. If only algebra came as easily to them. But expecting perfection was counter-productive. Improvement was much more important. And with that in mind, she looked down at the untidy scrawl that made up the final piece she had to mark. It had been tidier a long time ago, but there was a long period of being out of practice. And to his credit, the penmanship was better than a month ago, and even if it was entirely illegible it was preferable to never reading anything again, which she once thought was the case.

That said, as she deciphered the untidier parts of the essay, confusion began to mount. This was... Why would he... Where did this even come from...?

Toriel began to worry. And to allow a little anger to build up as well.

* * *

"Arf!"

Doggo's tail wagged a little. "Hey, Grey!"

The lumbering bulk of Greater Dog came to a halt as Doggo turned round to look at his one-time comrade in arms, getting a glimpse of a tongue that refused to remain inside his mouth before smoothly blending into the background.

"Ehh, good thing I can still smell ya."

"Woof?"

"Of course I'm goin' to the frisbee catch. Might as well ask if I was still breathin'."

"Bark growl..."

"Yeah, I heard that." Doggo returned the growl in force. "Just want to penalise us eye-problem havers. Picking up a stationary frisbee, it's ridiculous!"

"Pant pant."

"Yeah yeah, 'the noble dog relies on all his senses, not merely sight', well that's easy enough to say than do."

"Whine..."

"Oh don't you worry, I ain't lettin' down the Royal Guard. I got a little secret weapon. Got it cheap!"

He could hear the light ruffling of a wagging tail.

"That's a good boy. Never know what you can pick up when somebody needs money fast. Now head over to the park, I gotta get set up."

The enormous dog emerged from Doggo's self-imposed camouflage as he bounded up the street. As he rounded a corner out of sight, Doggo extracted a set of goggles from his pocket, ears upright and tail wagging nonstop at the thought of victory...

* * *

"It is a valid concern, Senator, but one that shall have to wait until the summit. Monsters have committed to no side deals on this matter. Well of course you can still come round for tea, but I will refuse to discuss business then. Good afternoon."

With a little difficulty Asgore found the hangup button and the slightly tinny hiss from the phone vanished.

"My my, I forgot how insistent politicians can be sometimes. What did you think, Frisk?"

Frisk looked up from their comic. "It's an election year for him, he probably wants to do something really big and important with Monsters."

Asgore sipped his tea. "Like what?"

"Anything that sounds big and important. I doubt he's really thought that far ahead."

"Hmm, I can appreciate the pitfall of that," he muttered darkly. "However, enough diplomacy for today. It is time we tend to something more important!"

An hour later the more important things were spread over the table, macaroni slowly becoming irrevocably bound to the brightly coloured paper the glue was cementing it do. Crude approximations of bones and horns and smiles and flowers looked up at the two artists, Asgore carefully inserting the final piece with a custom set of tweezers to compensate for his size.

"There. Would you say that looks like your brother?"

"Oh yeah, that's totally him! Ears are a little long though."

"Ah well, he was always a little embarrassed about his ears when he was younger. We made something of a game out of it. I might as well revive it."

Frisk returned Asgore's mischievous chuckle. "I'm pleased with my Papyrus, I think I've captured his smile."

"I daresay it wasn't difficult, it is rare to see him without it."

"Yeah. I can't wait to hang these up!"

"Well the glue must dry first. So while we wait, we might watch one episode of that sci-fi show you showed me. But only the one, mind."

Four episodes later, Frisk comfortably on Asgore's warm lap, they finally tore themselves away from the television. And, to their credit, they achieved this on a cliffhanger.

"I can't believe he gave that order," said Frisk, "there must have been a way-"

"There wasn't." Asgore's voice was somber. "Not in the time frame. In that crisis, he had to make a very difficult decision. He handled it better than I would have."

"No, don't say-"

"I had plenty of time to reconsider, but never did-"

"Please."

Asgore felt his hand squeezed tightly. Shaking his head a little he looked down at the worried face.

"Of course. I apologise, sometimes I cannot help but dwell- Oh!"

"What's wrong?"

"I was supposed to water the flowers, there might not be time!"

"Oh no! I shouldn't have asked for another episode, I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Frisk. In fact, yesterday I picked up something that might just solve this problem..."

* * *

The television volume wasn't loud, but it didn't need to be. Boss Monster ears were not mere ornaments, their size reflected their sensitivity. As a result, Toriel winced a little at the noise as she opened the door. The last thing she wanted to do was call Doctor Drake to check for ear damage. Mercifully the blare lasted only a second, as her knock before entering had given him a moment's warning that she wished to speak to him, allowing him to pause the game.

"Hi Mom, what's up?"

"Asriel dear, may I please ask you a question about your homework?"

He looked confused, and unmistakably worried. She knew she was breaking her own rules - school matters should be discussed in school - but felt her worries justified this early intrusion. When he spoke however, he sounded merely curious.

"My homework? Did I make a mistake? I thought the rivers really did flow downhill, is it-"

"Oh no, it is nothing to do with rivers. In fact I cannot find any incorrect claims in the entire essay. I hazard that in normal circumstances it would achieve perfect marks."

A slightly nervous grin appeared on his muzzle. All children liked praise, but it was apparent Asriel already knew something was off, if only because this conversation shouldn't be happening here.

"The problem," Toriel continued, "is your phrasing."

"My phrasing?"

She took out the homework and began to read aloud. "' _As the thermal stimulus increases, the weak hydrogen bonds fray in the increased energetic state of the water, and break apart, reducing the dihydrous monoxide's cohesion, and the molecules escape in a gaseous state commonly known as water vapour. This process is often referred to as evaporation._ '"

Confusion returned to his face. It might have been a what's-wrong-with-that type of confusion, but it was also possible, maybe even probable, that it was instead a what-did-that-even-mean type of confusion.

"This is a very... advanced way of describing this part of the water cycle. I did not refer to it like this in class, and neither does your textbook. Where did you learn to describe it that way?"

Asriel's eyes widened for only a moment, and then he suddenly looked away, head dipped in shame.

"...when I was the flower."

Toriel clutched her mouth in surprise. This answer hadn't been one she was expecting.

"The flower? Really?"

He forced himself to look at her. "Yeah. Look, I've told you a lot about... how I was back then, but this wasn't like that. There was a lot of time when I couldn't think of anything to do, good or bad, so I just read stuff. Including a bunch of science books. I could still recite them to you right now! But they were all grown up books, and I didn't know what some of the words meant. Until you helped me."

"I helped...?"

"In class, when you explained it, it was like a switch flipped in my head. 'So that's what that was', stuff like that. I get it now! And I was so excited I basically wrote out what those books had said. I wasn't sure if I should, I mean... I'm not proud of him, I mean me, but I figured I shouldn't pretend it didn't happen. If I learned something as a flower, I should use it in ways that help. And you helped me understand it. Thanks, Mom!"

He launched into a hug around her waist, burying his head into her belly like he was trying to squeeze his own unhappy times out of him, expressing the utmost gratitude for every ounce of understanding she and Asgore had shown him even since that impossible day had happened, determined to do better, determined to rebuild the family into something greater than it had been before.

Toriel did not buy it for a second.

"Then, Asriel, if this is merely something you read in a book, then why does Bob Junior and Ursk's homework use the exact same phrasing? I know for a fact you do not do your homework with them."

The wriggling stopped. The hugger was frozen as if utterly bewildered by something. And then something quite possibly rude emerged from his still-buried mouth.

"Excuse me?!"

"I said, uh, funky bull shrimp, she promised you wouldn't pick up on-"

"Who?"

* * *

"Ladies, gentlemen, other. Monsters, humans, other. Whatever."

The irritated disinterest grated in Doggo's ears. Who the heck thought Jerry would be a good host for this anyway?

"So we're at the final round of the Thirteenth Bimonthly Fetchathon, and we have a tie. That mangy pack over there-"

"The Royal Dogs!" called Dogamy.

"-an' that group with the cute kitty cat over here."

"Like, The MTT™ Corporate Mandated Team Building Exercise Team. Also dream on, loser."

"Ugh, fine. So let's get this over with so I can go home. Contestants, step forward."

"I got this," said Doggo, ready to go sprinting at a moment's notice. "Still wish we didn't have to recover from that totally unfair yarn playing round. That was just to give them an easy win."

"Now now Doggo, Gamy and I made up the gap with our improvised nuzzling," said Dogaressa, "so you make it up with this and we win!"

Doggo stepped forward, eyeing the cat opposite him looking even more bored than Jerry stamping on a cigarette butt. Once he won he'd share a biscuit with him, be a graceful winner and all that.

"And the final category is..." Jerry halted the announcement to pick his nose. "Stationary frisbee pick up."

His teammate's ears flattened against their heads at this. But not Doggo's. He had this. He had this. Taking out the goggles he quietly slipped them on. Ready to activate them as soon as Jerry said go.

Any moment now.

As soon as he said go...

"Hey, Jerry!"

"Huh?!" Jerry looked up from his phone. "Oh, right. Go or whatever."

Click.

" _ARRRGH!_ "

Doggo was clutching his eyes in agony as the cat strolled over and picked up the first frisbee without much urgency or passion. After a moment's struggle Doggo ripped off the goggles and threw them aside, but his bloodshot eyes showed the damage was done. He dropped to all fours and scampered around in desperation, determined to at least find one. After ten minutes of this his hands finally rested on one, while unseen by him the cat walked over to Jerry and deposited a dozen more in front of him.

"So cats win. Good for you. I'm gonna go home and watch TV, later."

A worried hand rested on Doggo's shoulder, guiding him over to a seat. It was another fifteen minutes before his eyesight returned to him, his friends moving slightly so he could see them. Their concern was only on their face, their ears and tails betraying their disappointment in losing.

"Arf?"

"Those blasted goggles are 'Oh dear, whatever affliction has struck you down, Doggo'!" he bellowed. "I was assured they would enhance my sight so I could see a stupid frisbee for once in my life!"

Dogamy split off from the pack and then quickly returned, goggles in hand. "Doggo, these are night vision goggles, they're meant to brighten everything up."

"Well they did that! Damn well might have been staring at the sun! I know she was in a hurry but why didn't she explain that to me?"

"Who?"

* * *

With a heavy thud, Asgore deposited a rather crude looking cube stuffed full of machinery.

"I am told," he explained, "that this machine should know exactly how much water to give each flower, and dispense it all at once, so that I don't have to stand over them for an hour with a can or a hose."

Frisk looked on with interest.

"I am going to test it on the lawn first. Would, erm, you like to press the button?"

"Yeah!"

Following Asgore's clawed finger pointing, Frisk found the controls. They cycled through several options until the display said 'Lawn', then pressed the green button. At once with a clunking noise, a hose extended from the device, and sent a heavy mist which lingered in the air just enough before settling down on the grass. It was clever, the spray taking the air currents into account so it covered only the grass, not a bush or flower else. But wait...

"What's that smell? It reminds me of Mettaton-"

Asgore didn't get a chance to answer. With a sharp BZZT several sparks emerged from the device, and one landed on the lawn. And then a large flame burst into life.

" _Ahh!_ "

It spread rapidly across the lawn, but then suddenly stopped. With a large furry hand pushing them back firmly, Frisk saw Asgore's other hand outstretched at the fire. Clearly satisfied they were safe, both hands now asserted his will, and the flames suddenly lifted up from the grass, twisted into a surprisingly small sphere which Asgore bade come to him, before he closed his hands around it, extinguishing it entirely.

"Rocket fuel! It smelled like rocket fuel when Mettaton uses his jet pack! Dad?"

Asgore was looking sadly at the blackened patch of his lawn. "My goodness, filling it with rocket fuel rather than water. Well, she did look rather worried and distracted when I agreed."

"Who?"

"Well-"

His phone suddenly rang.

"Hello? Toriel, howdy! What can I..." his briefly resurgent smile faded. Frisk did not miss the tone of extreme disapproval hissing from the phone. "Asriel did what? He paid someone to do his homework for him?"

" _Who??_ "

* * *

"Alphys!"

Undyne let the door close behind her as she quickly inspected the kitchen. No sign of her there. Not in the living room either. Well she was probably upstairs then. Undyne sighed, Alphys had probably spent the day in bed watching-

"Unnie!"

If Alphys had been in bed, it hadn't been for a long time. She stood dressed for travel, with three large suitcases looking completely stuffed.

"G-get your coat, we're going to J-Japan right now!"

"What, now?" Undyne cleared her throat. "Yeah, now!" And then she shook her head. "Wait, now? I thought we were only gonna book it tonight."

"Oh, y-yes. But earlier I j-just thought, wh-what if we waited and, entirely hyp-hypothetically, something happens and the m-money we scraped together gets sp-spent on something frivolous in a snap decision? I'd- I mean w-we'd have to run around s-selling stuff and d-doing favours to t-try and earn the money back quickly. S-strike while the iron's hot, huh?"

"Huh. Good thinking. Yeah, no time like the present! I love when you act like me!" Undyne picked up her girlfriend and swung her around. As she did so, she spotted something. "Hey, that a new Mew Mew figurine?"

Alphys turned even more orange than usual. "Oh, th-that's nothing, _justalimitededitionfigurine_ , there was a sale on, so I g-got it cheap!"

"Cool! I like the gold paint!"

"Uh y-yeah. 'Paint'. Anyway Pa-Pa-Papyrus will be around in twenty m-minutes to take us to the airport, you want to grab your toothbrush-"

A buzzing noise drew their attention to the dressing table.

"Oh, it's your phone. I got it."

"Oh no, you d-don't have to-"

"Hey, it's a text from Toriel. You want me to read it?"

"T-t-toriel?! Uh, n-no thanks, I can worry about it l-later."

"But what if she wants to hire you as Royal Scientist again?"

"Oh, I don't think-"

It buzzed again. "Doggo wants to talk to you?"

Alphys squeaked loudly. " _Ohofcoursehedidn'tneednightvisionI'msostupid-_ "

"What was that?"

"I said holiday! We're on one! G-good! You know what, we can get a toothbrush at the-"

Buzz buzz. "It's Asgore now too! I can feel it, either they're announcing they're getting back together or they want to hire you."

The look of terror on Alphys' face was nonsensical to Undyne. "W-w-w-w-we don't want to miss the flight."

"DOCTOR ALPHYS? I'M READY NOW!"

"Oh thank g-god, he's early. Grab two suitcases, I've g-g-got the third-"

"Frisk and Asriel now too? Everybody wants to talk to you today!"

"It c-can wait, Unnie, it can all wait! We're on h-holiday!"

Undyne's yellow eye lingered on the palpable anxiety Alphys was giving off. And then she shrugged. "Fair enough, let's go!"

Making sure to snatch back her phone and turn it off, Alphys grunted with the smallest of the cases, while Undyne carried the other two effortlessly. It was a relief when she made it downstairs and Papyrus took it off her.

"I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND, I'M A LITTLE EARLY BECAUSE I NEEDED TO GIVE MY BROTHER A LIFT AFTER I TAKE YOU TO THE AIRPORT."

"Y-your b-b-b-brother?!"

"heya. glad i don't have to _scale_ the wall to ask you about that whoopee cushion upgrade-"

Alphys ran up the street, mouth open in horror but utterly silent. Undyne failed to latch onto an appropriate emotion.

"Uhhh, what the hell's going on?"

"eh, don't worry, figure she just bit off more than she could chew. 'a' for effort, though."

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think, and thanks for reading!


End file.
